she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
