Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
