Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I need moral support for this bender
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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