So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
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In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Bring me that man meat
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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