i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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