I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
