Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
