Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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