i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
