Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.