i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
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All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk