Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.