the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.