Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.