I'm lost and stupid without you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
