Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
