My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
