dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
