Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
