Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
