i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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