And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
