i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
