he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
