The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize