There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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