i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
