Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
