these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
