You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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