be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
