I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
