Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
