its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
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does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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