Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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