This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
