I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
