i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
