I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
