So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
