Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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