fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
