I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
