I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
