Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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