my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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