Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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