If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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