Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
