just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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