Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
