just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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