The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
