I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
