3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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