I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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