Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
