I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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