I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
