I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
