Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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