she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
