Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
