I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
