There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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