is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
