Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
