Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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