In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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