her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
